Tag Archives: motivation

You’re Never Too Old to have Imaginary Friends!

Disclaimer (this is in no way a professional opinion-it is based on my own crazy musings- If anyone finds it necessary to call the guys in white coats on me after reading this, please read some of my other articles first!)

I didn’t have imaginary friends as a child, I actually started having them as an adult, after being hit with the realities of relationships of all kinds. I found that having a customized imaginary friend or two, was actually quite amusing and helpful!

Here are some of the obvious benefits of having an imaginary friend:

You always have someone you really like to share your craziest ideas with, and that someone will never look at you like you’ve lost your mind!

You always have excellent adventures that transcend the reality of your lifestyle.

Your imaginary friend is never too busy, and when they are away, it’s only because you need some alone time or time with real friends and lovers, and conveniently enough they have something of their own to do!

Your imaginary friend can also be your imaginary lover (I will not elaborate more on this particular point, use your imagination).

And now for the serious side:  How you chose to create your imaginary friend says a lot about what your truest self wants. It can be a great exercise in self-discovery and visualization.

If you could have the perfect partner, how would you visualize them to every last detail? What would be his or her strengths? Weaknesses? What would he or she look like or feel like? What would her or his quirks be? What would you admire most about him or her? What would you have to tolerate about him or her? Would his or her convictions be similar or different from yours? What would he or she look like physically? What are his or her most admirable virtues? How would he or she treat you? What nationality would he or she be? What language would you speak together? Where would you go together? What experiences would you share? What would the biggest obstacles be in your relationship (yes even if it’s an imaginary friend, he or she can’t be perfect)? How would you resolve them? There are many many other questions that can be explored in one’s imagination.  However, what is important, is to explore with purpose! The purpose being to explore your true self: what you really want, what you really need, what you really desire.

My imaginary friend/boyfriend of this past year (his name is Sven) did actually teach me a lot about what I value most in a relationship.  After making so many mistakes in judgement, it was great to explore what I really really desired in a friend or partner. Some of the choices I made in customizing my imaginary friend shocked me, they were not things that I would have ever admitted to myself. It was a way to realign my moral, ethical, and emotional compass without hurting anyone and without getting hurt.

I encourage you to try this.  Create yourself an imaginary friend and do some real self-exploration as you go places with that person you never thought you actually would…



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Filed under Poetry, soul searching

Reflections on War: Seeking an Understanding of the Male Motivation

I once read a statement by a male author (I wish I remembered who it was) that war brings men a sense of satisfaction far greater than any sexual experience, that it is through war that they can truly embody  the true values of masculinity.

This statement stuck in my mind, because I always wondered about the motivations of men, and I always knew that they were certainly different from the motivations of women. Yes sometimes men are a mystery to women just as women are perceived to be a mystery to men.  My point here however is to think further about the differences of perception about the subject of wars: power struggles and the use of  deadly force to resolve them.

Is it the territorial drive? Is it the need to be the strongest, the alpha male? What exactly is it that drives this aggressive tendency towards others that can lead to killing?  This drive is definitely present in most animals, but as thinking creatures with advanced technology, humans should be the exception? or may be not? I think it is important to note at this juncture that I am trying to explore this without any judgement and without qualifying these attributes as positive or negative.

The escalation of conflict and aggressive behavior leads to war which equals killing. In modern warfare killing is no longer a man to man battle, but an endeavor that allows one to kill many, and often times, many whose faces are never seen by the perpetrator of the killing.  Here I did not say killer, because killing in warfare is not considered a criminal act, yet it is still the taking of someone’s  life.

So how did we raise the killing in war to a higher moral level than plain murder?  How is this act justified within the confines of our religious and social moral codes in order to balance the aggressive killing instinct with the issues of conscience?  I have heard tales from men who fought in wars of the high they feel during battle, of a blood thirsty  state while in the heat of it all, and of the lows experienced after it is over, with feelings of remorse and of disgust over the acts they had committed.  War seems to only be glorified and romanticized by those who have never really participated actively in it or lived through it.

What makes this a bearable and repeatable state? I can think of some possible explanations: the concept  tribal and later national belonging, expansion and defense are certainly ones that play a major role.  Idols, ideologies and ideas are also culprits, men die and kill to defend them.

Warriors or soldiers step out of the confines of the universal codes of human morality for a period of time during wars.  Their belonging shifts to tighter circles, whether these circles are national, ethnic, religious, etc… Within these circles of belonging, killing is justified as a means to resolve conflict under the umbrella of a different code of ethics, one that men understand on a basic subconscious level.

And on a basic subconscious level, women admire this but I don’t think we will ever fully understand it, nor accept it.  The input of the male readers will be welcomed and anticipated!

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Filed under Social Organization