Tag Archives: love

An End of the Year Post

A very personal post with some reflections on the year to put things in perspective…

This was the year I lost my mother, and in a few days, I will have my first birthday on this earth without her.  Wisdom from an older aunt: “I never felt old until I had no one to call mama”…

This was also the year I said a final goodbye to a man I called home…and it was the year when my concept of home got shaken.

This year was just a continuation of a very long era of wars and hatred in this region; it was also a continuation of the descent into a time of intellectual and spiritual darkness.

My way of coping in these past years has been to prioritize happiness: no easy task because it means that one must become more selfish, unfeeling, and apathetic.  One must stay shallow and abandon the dark depths where real life happens. I was successful most of the time, but I missed being who I was when I was younger: more passionate about my beliefs, more emotional, more vulnerable, and much less jaded. I believe that as we grow we must shed some of our older attributes, and even if we miss them, we must leave them behind: every station in life needs a different ticket to ride!

Through it all, and on the rare occasions when I let my guard down, I let some new and stimulating people into my life to shake things up a bit.  I also developed a deeper fondness for the ones who have been here all along, the friends and family who create a circle of comfort.  Still, I spent a lot of time alone questioning my roots, my wings, what I knew, and what I didn’t know.

No year passes without illuminated moments, and I had my share of those, and it is always those moments that I grab on to and highlight to the world outside.

Thank you 2015 for the lessons, for the friends, for the lovers, for the losses, for the wins, and for the changes. You will not be missed and you will not be forgotten…

 

 

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Filed under Literature, soul searching

You’re Never Too Old to have Imaginary Friends!

Disclaimer (this is in no way a professional opinion-it is based on my own crazy musings- If anyone finds it necessary to call the guys in white coats on me after reading this, please read some of my other articles first!)

I didn’t have imaginary friends as a child, I actually started having them as an adult, after being hit with the realities of relationships of all kinds. I found that having a customized imaginary friend or two, was actually quite amusing and helpful!

Here are some of the obvious benefits of having an imaginary friend:

You always have someone you really like to share your craziest ideas with, and that someone will never look at you like you’ve lost your mind!

You always have excellent adventures that transcend the reality of your lifestyle.

Your imaginary friend is never too busy, and when they are away, it’s only because you need some alone time or time with real friends and lovers, and conveniently enough they have something of their own to do!

Your imaginary friend can also be your imaginary lover (I will not elaborate more on this particular point, use your imagination).

And now for the serious side:  How you chose to create your imaginary friend says a lot about what your truest self wants. It can be a great exercise in self-discovery and visualization.

If you could have the perfect partner, how would you visualize them to every last detail? What would be his or her strengths? Weaknesses? What would he or she look like or feel like? What would her or his quirks be? What would you admire most about him or her? What would you have to tolerate about him or her? Would his or her convictions be similar or different from yours? What would he or she look like physically? What are his or her most admirable virtues? How would he or she treat you? What nationality would he or she be? What language would you speak together? Where would you go together? What experiences would you share? What would the biggest obstacles be in your relationship (yes even if it’s an imaginary friend, he or she can’t be perfect)? How would you resolve them? There are many many other questions that can be explored in one’s imagination.  However, what is important, is to explore with purpose! The purpose being to explore your true self: what you really want, what you really need, what you really desire.

My imaginary friend/boyfriend of this past year (his name is Sven) did actually teach me a lot about what I value most in a relationship.  After making so many mistakes in judgement, it was great to explore what I really really desired in a friend or partner. Some of the choices I made in customizing my imaginary friend shocked me, they were not things that I would have ever admitted to myself. It was a way to realign my moral, ethical, and emotional compass without hurting anyone and without getting hurt.

I encourage you to try this.  Create yourself an imaginary friend and do some real self-exploration as you go places with that person you never thought you actually would…

 

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Filed under Poetry, soul searching

Five Short Love(?) Poems

master the elements

master the elements

When you love me

I control the elements

High Priestess…

The universe and I are one

I command:

“Rain!”…. it rains

 

All is within my power

The time of the sunset

The moonrise

The ebbs and flows of the tides

The direction that time flies

The blooming of the flower

My realm I rule with force and light

Taking no notice of the long night

I become sheer energy

I become you I become me

When you love me

****************

After the Eruption

Boiling incessantly

Begging to leave the darkness

To see the light

To breathe….

Pushing upwards

Breaking the fragile coating

Of the ever protective skin

And finally existing

In the form of a slow

Steady, solidifying

Flow ………

****************

You are beginning to bore me

I see the light in a new eye

The mystery the surprise

The promise the new polish

Beginnings are tempting

The sirens beckon with their songs

Recapture the magic!

For you I want to yearn

Alas

You are beginning to bore me….

****************

Burden

A heavy load

On a mule’s back

Going uphill

In the midday sun

You have become!

****************

translucency

Translucence

The lights are dimmed

The night is fleeing

Towards the arms of dawn

The sun will rise in spite of you

To spite you and the night

Where is the light?

Resist temptation

Why?

Rise above

What?

It is dawn

The lantern burns no more

 

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Filed under Poetry

Grin and “Bear” it or (How to Cure the Hard Heart Syndrome)

The Hard Heart Syndrome!

Over the course of a lifetime lived in a corner of the world that is full of conflict, war, and death, it sometimes happens that people get a condition that I will call “hardening of the heart”: this is not a medical condition but it is more of a psychological condition or syndrome that gradually diminished one’s apathy and compassion and that makes a person indifferent to the agony of witnessing so much injustice, so much violence, and so much pain.  It is also a condition that makes people selfish, hey, survival in dire times requires self-protection, and self-protection requires a big dose of self-love.

I write this because of a seemingly insignificant incident that happened last week and that got me thinking about starting to reverse the process of the hardening of my heart in order to really feel human again, not only that, but I wanted to remember how a younger version of me experienced life with a fully functioning heart.  So I am writing this blog entry as a totally transparent exercise in self-examination!

It’s just a bear!

Some friends and I went on a little road trip to a mountain village and visited a little wild animal shelter run by a couple who have taken it upon themselves to raise awareness about wildlife in Lebanon (the story of this shelter is very important and I may write about it at a later time).  There we saw different animals with different injuries in enclosures and in cages being taken care of in order to be re-released into the wild.  One animal, a large bear that looked a lot like a grizzly, somehow touched my hardened heart.  The caretaker told us that this species in now nearly extinct in Lebanon, and that this guy is a sole survivor and has been living at the shelter for a while.  This made me sad and stuck with me for days and I’m not the kind of person that gets emotional over animals: I eat meat, and I would wear fur if I could afford it!

It’s a lot to bear!

But this whole unexpected emotional episode over a lonely bear in a big cage really got me thinking about how tough I have become on the inside and I asked myself some hard questions: why is it that children begging in the streets don’t move me? Why don’t the senseless and violent deaths of innocents in the many warzones all over the region make me angry or sad anymore? Why am I indifferent to the plight of millions of refugees? Why do I only care about a small number of people who comprise my family and close entourage? When did I become so good at selecting who to feel for and when to feel? And how did the big sad bear break through my defenses?

Bear with me on this!

Each person who is suffering from “hardening of the heart” will probably have different answers if they were to ask themselves the questions I asked myself, or similar ones depending on what they have selected to harden their heart about.  And (I know I shouldn’t start a sentence with and) even if they found the answers, would that make any difference? Would it cure this affliction? I don’t think it would, although it might help a little in finding a cure or a course of treatment.  And are we really sure we want to be cured? YES I WANT TO BE CURED because a lukewarm life is a sign of surrender!

And I found that the cure lies in a decision, a decision to care again in spite of the pain that is suffered because of caring.

And once I start to care and hurt again, I just might become part of some kind of solution.

Thank you almost extinct bear! I love you

The Bear! You can visit him at https://www.facebook.com/animalencounter.org

The Bear!
You can visit him at https://www.facebook.com/animalencounter.org

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Filed under Literature, Social Organization

Let’s Talk about Love

This entry is a deviation from the usual subjects on this blog, and here it goes:

On my way to work today I found a song playing over and over in my head, ‘Mon Dieu’ (My God) by Edith Piaf. It’s one of those songs that I always loved because of its over the top sentimentality, but today it dawned on me that I probably really love this song because of its harsh reality…

The song is a prayer of sort, and the legendary Piaf in the first line pleads with God to keep her lover with her for a little longer: Not asking for forever, not for eternal bliss, not for the silly fairy tale ending, but only for a little more time. No romantic misgivings here, just a plea for more time, time to love and to say what needs to be said, time to create memories, basically time to fully enjoy the feeling of love in the now without regretting a past or looking too much ahead to the future.

This is a song about love devoid of expectation and of plans, a song that realizes the oh so fleeting nature of this all encompassing intoxicating feeling.
This is a song that is very aware of the impact of time on love: lovers always wishing for a little more time, while knowing that time will be the eventual killer of that love…

Mon Dieu ! Mon Dieu ! Mon Dieu !
Laissez-le-moi Encore un peu,
Mon amoureux.
Six mois, trois mois, deux mois…
Laissez-le-moi Pour seulement Un mois…

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Filed under Arts, Poetry

Love in the Time of Politics

Love and Politics in this corner of the world are two things that evoke very strong emotions and reactions. Here very few, if any, grow up without some kind of political ideology (often closely linked with religious dogma) and it becomes entrenched in the mind and part and parcel of the overall individual personality.

Here I am talking about hard core politics, not the kind you find in Western democracies where opposing parties are not necessarily bipolar in nature and ideology. This type of hard core political thinking tends to overshadow all aspects of a person’s life, and yes even a person’s love life.

Love in the romantic sense, is another very strong motivator for an individual, but is it enough to overcome political differences (on the individual level)?

What happens when love and politics clash in the lives of a couple? When their semi inherited ideologies come to a head with each other? What do you think wins: love or politics?

Today, on this Valentine’s day, and especially in this region, political fervor is at its most heightened state with revolution and uprisings and attacks and counter attacks and reactionary movements etc.. Emotions are high, nerves are strained and love is in hiding.  Only those who share the same political thinking are allowed to love each other, all others are destined to clandestine and strained situations.

All emotion is taken up for the ideology war against the others.  Sad times for Love in the time of politics.

Happy Valentine’s day.

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Filed under Arts, Political, Social Organization